The Loophole Chords & Tabs
Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole
**Capo 3rd**
D G
All my life I've been good
D A
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
D G
Go to church and Bible School
A D
To live by God's rule
Bm
So whatever people tell me
Bm A
That The Bible tells me
D
I will do
D G
Walk the halls at my school with my purity ring
Bm E
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
D G
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
Bm E
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
D G
And I made a pact
D G
To keep my hymen intact
G A
And Jesus and I are tight
D G
Never learned about the birds and the bees
Bm E
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
D G
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
Bm E
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
G D
I don't want to lose him
G D
To someone who'll do him
G A
I need to figure something out
D G
Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
Bm E
So I can get him off without going to hell
D G
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
Bm E
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!
Bm E
Oh thank you for making me holy
Bm E
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
G A
And since I'm not a godless whore
G A
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore
Chorus:
D G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm G A
The good Lord would want it that way
D E G E
Get that sweet sensation a throbbing rationalization
G A
It's just between you and me
G A D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
D G
It's hard to be as pure as me
Bm A
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
D G
To wait until my marriage bed
Bm A
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head
G D
So take your cock out
G D
Shove it in my ass
G A
Fuck me until you come
G D
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
G D
And unite our bodies
G A
And fly with the wings of God
D G
Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
Bm A
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this
[ Tab from: https://www.guitartabs.cc/tabs/g/garfunkel_and_oates/the_loophole_crd.html ]
D G
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Bm E
'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin
G D
I've emptied my bowels
G D
And laid out the towels
G A
I'm ready for romance
D G
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
Bm A
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
D G
And we can't procreate if we anal copulate
Bm E
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight
G D
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
G A
So I'm OK with everything butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh
Chorus:
D G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm G A
The good Lord would want it that way
D E G E
Get that sweet sensation a rock hard rationalization
G A
It's just between you and me
G A D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
Bm E
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Bm A
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Bm A
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
Bm E
But the rest I live by for sure
G A
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
G A
And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't happen of course
E G
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and (line up for ambiguities as omissions?)
A Bm
And circumvent any real sacrifice, and still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted
E
positions
D A Bm
And don't you dare question my convictions
E G
And don't look closely at the contradictions
D A Bm
And just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
E G
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction
E
As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And when you're in a debate, just say to “have faith”
A
Because when you're up against logic it's the only card you've got
G
So close your eyes
A
Take a deep breath
And..
Chorus:
D G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm G A
The good Lord would want it that way
D E G E
Get that sweet sensation an irrational rationalization
G A
It's just between you and me
G A E
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
G A
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
G A D
So sometimes you need to think outside the box
